Posted March 23, 200916 yr Moderator h, Tit Monday. It's not that far off now... That glorious day when, heading into work on the bus, or walking to the tube, or sitting on the train, you find yourself suddenly chirpier than you have been in months. You find yourself smiling at strangers again. There is a mild involuntary tumescence in your trousers that comes and goes throughout the morning with the comforting regularity of a heartbeat. And then you get a text around lunchtime from a mate which says: "At last, Tit Monday!" And you instantly understand why you are so happy. For Tit Monday is that special day in the year when, for the first time, the temperature rises above that magical point which causes girls getting dressed in the morning to decide to show a bit of skin. After months of dull colours and chunky knit, the world's birds suddenly dive into last summer's wardrobe (they've not had chance to buy this season's stuff) and chuck it on without a thought. Your urban landscape is suddenly lightened with acres of naked arm and leg and, after many dark months of burrowing, breasts rising to the surface like moles at dusk. Big breasts in white work shirts straining at the buttons. Small breasts braless in vest tops, the nipples frotted by ribby fabrics. Breasts in summer dresses bouncing in the distance so that they catch your eye before you even notice there is someone wearing them. Breasts nudging out from the crowd at traffic islands, quivering to cross the road... And you know it is nearly summer. For previous generations, the arrival of spring was heralded by the sound of the first cuckoo. For us, it is Tit Monday. Not that it always falls on a Monday. Like Easter, Tit Monday is a moveable feast. Last year it fell on a Friday. Friday 29 April, to be precise, when temperatures maxed out at 22.1C after nothing much above 16C all year. It last fell on a Monday in 2004, when temperatures leapt to 22C on 24 April. And then, of course, there is Tit Monday Night. You see, in early summer, temperatures drop off very dramatically when night falls (Tit Friday 2005 dropped away to a parky 11.8C). But the dollies are not prepared. Slightly stunned by the morning heat, they drag out the summer clothes but forget to bring a cardie (a mistake they will not make again until next year), so that when they're all standing outside All Bar One after work celebrating the arrival of spring, their barely covered nipples have no protection from the cold. It's like a Bring-and-Buy sale where everyone has brought hat pegs. It's like a prog-rock gig where, instead of lighters, everyone is holding up nipples. So when will Tit Monday fall this year? Will you be the first to text your mates with the announcement? Do not shoot your bolt too early. There will be false starts. You will smell fresh cut grass and see a couple of early starters and feel compelled to declare Tit Monday. But your more level-headed friends will tell you to hold your horses, keep your powder dry, don't fire until you see the whites of their bra straps. As the poet said: one bold Northern slapper in a bikini doth not a summer make.
March 24, 200916 yr As the poet said: one bold Northern slapper in a bikini doth not a summer make. Of course - that would make it summer all year long,,,, in Newcastle.......
March 24, 200916 yr As the poet said: one bold Northern slapper in a bikini doth not a summer make. When Goff sees you calling her names, there'll be trouble!... ... im going into hiding now...
March 24, 200916 yr and the tuna has got that extra 'moistnessness' oooh c'mere. Gregs am talking aboot ! sake !
March 24, 200916 yr Moderator As the poet said: one bold Northern slapper in a bikini doth not a summer make. When Goff sees you calling her names, there'll be trouble!... ... im going into hiding now... Steve, quick...edit what you just said before she sees it
March 27, 200916 yr Moderator its okay... i think i got away with it... she not been around much lately eh?... Mebbe she's sulkin bout wot u said Anyhow, now youv'e revived the thread............ ................
March 27, 200916 yr Mebbe she's sulkin bout wot u said hope not, was only havin' a larf... she works so hard bless 'er lil heart eh?...
March 27, 200916 yr Moderator hope not, was only havin' a larf... she works so hard bless 'er lil heart eh?... Oh no its too late now, the only question is how and if its public...............
March 27, 200916 yr Author Moderator its okay... i think i got away with it... she not been around much lately eh?... She is out there quietly watching you merv
March 27, 200916 yr now i just gotta listen out for the unmistakeable "thump-thump-thump-thump" of the V-twin lucian... i think this is what they call "calm before the storm"
March 27, 200916 yr "calm before the storm" YIP " I feel a public flogging coming on, Stevey mate" The wrath of goff. Hope she does it at the Staffs Show. I wanna see it. And if its good " i want done as well"
March 28, 200916 yr Tit Monday ! I've never heard a better idea for a national/international holiday. Of course, where I live, it's still weeks or months away. I'm located in nebraska, usa, and it snowed here last night/this morning. But whether or not a date can be agreed upon, it should be celebrated ! Viva Tit Monday !
March 28, 200916 yr Author Moderator Tit Monday ! I've never heard a better idea for a national/international holiday. Of course, where I live, it's still weeks or months away. I'm located in nebraska, usa, and it snowed here last night/this morning. But whether or not a date can be agreed upon, it should be celebrated ! Viva Tit Monday ! Not much better here today last weekend when i was in brittany without a bike it was brilliant sub and warm, this weekend. rain. hail, cold, gales, merv
April 20, 200916 yr Moderator Not much better here today last weekend when i was in brittany without a bike it was brilliant sub and warm, this weekend. rain. hail, cold, gales, merv Been out, Just got back It's here boys!!!
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