Moderator mervin Posted February 24, 2009 Moderator Share Posted February 24, 2009 Pets The following was found posted very low on a refrigerator door. Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. The stairwaywas not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort, however. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to Each other, stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and having tongues hanging out on the other end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm. For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required. The proper order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough. Finally, in fairness, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door: TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT OUR PETS: (1) They live here. You don't. (2) If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it'fur'-niture. (3) I like my pets a lot better than I like most people. (4) To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly. Remember, dogs and cats are better than kids because they (1) eat less, (2) don't ask for money all the time, (3) are easier to train, (4) normally come when called, (5) never ask to drive the car, (6) don't hang out with drug-using people; (7) don't smoke or drink, (8) don't want to wear your clothes, (9) don't have to buy the latest fashions, (10) don't need a gazillion dollars for college and (11) if they get pregnant, you can sell their children Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator drewpy Posted February 24, 2009 Moderator Share Posted February 24, 2009 :lol: I want to stroke her pussy Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gas up - Let's Go! Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batifan19 Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 The stairwaywas not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run. For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years - canine/feline attendance is not required. Stunner.....Both of these I need to express to my dog... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Goff Posted February 25, 2009 Moderator Share Posted February 25, 2009 I think there should also be this: You shall not shake your head, thus flinging dog goz in my direction when i am eating my food. It is disgusting and, although you always end up getting my dinner, you must cease at once before i put a bib on you............ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batifan19 Posted February 25, 2009 Share Posted February 25, 2009 I think there should also be this: You shall not shake your head, thus flinging dog goz in my direction when i am eating my food. It is disgusting and, although you always end up getting my dinner, you must cease at once before i put a bib on you............ ooo...the Turner & Hooch film just came to mind... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wildone Posted February 26, 2009 Share Posted February 26, 2009 Dear Dogs and Cats: The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest. Woof to you too mate ! Aesthetically is too big a word for even us Germans I understand FOOD ---- you buy it I eat it --- food isn't yours just because you brought it --- it belongs to our pack and I'll fight you anytime to establish who's leader ---Mate Exactly where would you like me to rip you a brand new arse you troublemaker ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator drewpy Posted February 26, 2009 Moderator Share Posted February 26, 2009 I think there should also be this: You shall not shake your head, thus flinging dog goz in my direction when i am eating my food. It is disgusting and, although you always end up getting my dinner, you must cease at once before i put a bib on you............ I came from a largish familly and if we didn;t gob in our food it would be eaten by my siblings!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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