vatican humour

[mervin]

VATICAN HUMOR

>>>

>>> After putting all of Pope Benedict's luggage loaded into the limo, (and

>>> he doesn't travel lightly), the driver notices the Pope is still

>>> standing on the curb.

>>>

>>> 'Excuse me, Your Holiness,' says the driver, 'Would you please take

>>> your seat so we can leave?'

>>>

>>> 'Well, to tell you the truth,' says the Pope, 'they never let me drive

>>> at the Vatican when I was a cardinal, and I'd really like to drive

>>> today.'

>>>

>>> 'I'm sorry, Your Holiness, but I cannot let you do that. I'd lose my

>>> job! What if something should happen?' protests the driver, wishing he'd

>>> never gone to work that morning.

>>>

>>> 'Who's going to tell?' says the Pope with a smile.

>>>

>>> Reluctantly, the driver gets in the back as the Pope climbs in behind

>>> the wheel. The driver quickly regrets his decision because, after

>>> exiting the airport, the Pontiff floors it, accelerating the limo to 205

>>> kph. (Remember, the Pope is German.)

>>>

>>> 'Please slow down, Your Holiness!' pleads the worried driver, but the

>>> Pope keeps the pedal to the metal until they hear sirens.

>>>

>>> 'Oh, dear God, I'm going to lose my licence -- and my job!' moans the

>>> driver.

>>>

>>> The Pope pulls over and rolls down the window as the cop approaches,

>>> but the cop takes one look at him, goes back to his motorcycle, and gets

>>> on the radio.

>>>

>>> 'I need to talk to the Chief,' he says to the dispatcher.

>>>

>>> The Chief gets on the radio and the cop tells him that he's stopped a

>>> limo going 205 kph.

>>>

>>> 'So bust him,' says the Chief.

>>>

>>> 'I don't think we want to do that, he's really important,' said the

>>> cop.

>>>

>>> The Chief exclaimed, 'All the more reason!'

>>>

>>> 'No, I mean really important,' said the cop with a bit of persistence.

>>>

>>> The Chief then asked, 'Who do you have there, the mayor?'

>>> Cop: 'Bigger.'

>>>

>>> Chief: 'A senator?'

>>> Cop: 'Bigger.'

>>>

>>> Chief: 'The Prime Minister?'

>>> Cop: 'Bigger.'

>>>

>>> 'Well,' said the Chief, 'who is it?'

>>>

>>> Cop: 'I think it's God!'

>>>

>>> The Chief is even more puzzled and curious, 'What makes you think it's

>>> God?'

>>>

>>> Cop: 'The Pope is His chauffeur!'

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[Gas up - Let's Go!]

[Slippery When Wet]

Oh well, if we're doing Vatican jokes .....

The seven dwarfs go to the Vatican, and because they are THE seven dwarfs, they are ushered in to see the Pope. Grumpy leads the pack.

'Grumpy, my son,' says the Pope, 'what can I do for you?'

Grumpy asks, 'Excuse me your Excellency, but are there any dwarf nuns in Rome?'

The Pope wrinkles his brow at the odd question, thinks for a moment and answers, 'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Rome.' In the background, a few of the dwarfs start giggling. Grumpy turns around and glares, silencing them.

Grumpy turns back, 'Your Worship, are there any dwarf nuns in all of Europe?

The Pope, puzzled now, again thinks for a moment and then answers, 'No, Grumpy, there are no dwarf nuns in Europe' This time, all of the other dwarfs burst into laughter.

Once again, Grumpy turns around and silences them with an angry glare. Grumpy turns back and says, 'Mr. Pope! Are there ANY dwarf nuns anywhere in the world?'

The Pope, now really confused by the questions, says, 'I'm sorry,my son, there are no dwarf nuns anywhere in the world.' The other dwarfs collapse into a heap, rolling and laughing, pounding the floor, tears rolling down their cheeks, as they begin chanting......

'Grumpy shagged a penguin! Grumpy shagged a penguin!'