up.yours

THE LAWS 1. The Law of Common Sense Never accept a drink from a urologist. 2. The Law of Reality Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose. 3. The Law of Self Sacrifice When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last. 4. The Law of Volunteering If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead. 5. The Law of Avoiding Oversell When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse. 6. The Law of Motivation Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster. 7. Boob's Law You always find something in the last place you look. 8. Wailer's Law Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. 9. Law of Probable Dispersal Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. 10. Law of Volunteer Labor People are always available for work in the past tense. 11. Conway's Law In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired. 12. Iron Law of Distribution Them that has, gets. 13. Law of Cybernetic Entomology There is always one more bug. 14. Law of Drunkenness You can't fall off the floor. 15. Heeler's Law The first myth of management is that it exists. 16. Osborne's Law Variables won't; constants aren't. 17. Main's Law For every action there is an equal and opposite government program. 18. Weinberg's Second Law If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would have destroyed civilization.

One day,an english man a scotsman and a paki wound up together at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter informed them that in order to get into Heaven, they would each have to answer one question. St. Peter addressed the english man and asked, "What was the name of the ship that crashed into an iceberg? They just made a movie about it." The english man answered quickly, "That would be the Titanic." St. Peter let him through the gate. St. Peter turned to the scotsman and decided to make the question a little harder, "How many people died on the ship?" Fortunately for him, the scotsman had just seen the movie and answered, "About 1,500." "That's right! You may enter." St. Peter then turned to the paki. "Name them."

oops double post? deleated.

What do you call an arab standing between two buildings? Ali!

first bike suzi/honda hybrid trial job 1983 mtx125 first road legal bike, past test on this tool. old s reg cd175 1981 rd350lc scary then. xs500 pain in the arse ,( ignition timing) xs250 with side car outfit, and it worked fine ,so fuck off. s reg jawa 350 with outfit 117,000 miles on one set of pistons ,then sold it on . j reg brand spanking new ,jawa 350 sport smashed it into a cop van after only two weeks 350 miles on the clock. another xs250. 1979 rd250 1982 yam passola 50 1981 honda melody 50 1985 rxs100 kwak z 1000, sold by order of her, b4 i topped myself. 1979 honda dream (pear shaped tank) didn't like rain, at all. mz 250 1981 rd350lc (current) 1981 RACING yamaha passola (oh ,fuck off) next bike will be my next bargain .

nope?

meet my meat,

where's this post going

arn't they just?

it reminds me of when my bike broke down, and joshua2 had a day-glow yellow jacket on, he was stood at the back of my mates van who had come to my rescue, and every time a biker came ripping down the road he would step out with his mobile phone. he got lots of wanker jestures thrown at him that day.

yellow like mellow wtf.

can't you tell your breakdown it's broke down ,and you want it took home

i bought my wife a vibrator, the silly cow knocked her front teeth out

I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart. FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting into bed. Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says, "I don't feel like it, I just want you to hold me." I said, "WHAT??!! What was that?!" So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear... "You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in the bedroom?" Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep. The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to take, so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to compliment her new clothes, so I said, "Lets get a pair for each outfit." We went on to the jewellery department where she picked out a pair of diamond earrings. Let me tell you... she was so excited. She must have thought I was one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey." She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement. Smiling with excited anticipation, she finally said, "I think this is all dear, let's go to the cashier." I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't feel like it." Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled, "WHAT?" I then said, "Honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and not for the things I buy you?" Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either....but at least that bitch knows I'm smarter than her.

http://video.staged.com/dvxjunkie/extreme_idiots_compilation

me too,

that little number of yours is scoring all over the place , hats off to ya andy.

Phone rings, woman answers. The pervert, with heavy breathing: "Have you got a tight, unshaven c**t ?" Woman: "Yes, he's watching telly - who shall I say is calling?" Woman in labour, shouting and screaming as usual, 'get this out of me, give me drugs'. She turns to the boyfriend and says 'You did this to me you f**ker'. He replied casually, 'If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your ar$e but you said, 'F**k off it'll be too painful' I'm not normally suspicious, but the wife told me yesterday that Gavin from Autoglass came round and injected that special resin into her crack ..... she hasn't even got a car!!

ha ha, tasky's going soft.

do a vid when it's finished pat , but not with your shit phone.

welcome to my little bit of the forum , don't bother with a box , they look naff, get yourself a small hike /ruck sack , you'l look cool er .

looks brill , BUT , theirs always going to be a but, and on this occasion it's that brake fluid casing , it needs a rub down , and either chroming or matt blacking. as it's bubbling.