barkwindjammer

Ok heres a starter for 10 "I say Bob that looks like a most pleasing 10 minute job your doing there, and I see your using a 'Johnsons' product, wont that leave you with 5 minutes to,,,erm,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, unstick me from the door you varnished earlier", "you might have to tear ones dress off-with a wild demanding look in your eyes" "You really are a daft bint Mary-I'll have to re-do that now, sake"

"to be read in your best 1950's BBC voice" "study this picture most carefully, Bob is on the job, but not the one Mary is looking for ! ". "I say Bob that looks like a most pleasing 10 minute job your doing there, and I see your using a 'Johnsons' product, wont that leave you with 5 minutes to,,,erm,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

put salt down, this will melt the snow-then just gently squeegee the slush off, with a squeegee HTH

Thats sad, but "wit ye oan aboot fanny bawz " you've got a real bike now WAY-HEY

The shaft has more than likely seized to one or both of the bearings, put the nut back on the end a couple of turns and then give it a good old wallop with a soft faced hammer, or use a piece of timber to protect the nut from damage. use lashings of WD40 on it, (I've posted a thread on how to make your own)

A Yorkshireman' s dog dies and as it was a favourite pet he decides to have a gold statue made by a jeweller to remember the dog by. Yorkshireman: "Can tha mek us a gold statue of yon dog?" Jeweller: "Do you want it 18 carat?" Yorkshireman: "No I want it chewin' a bone, yer daft 'bugger!"

A Yorkshireman' s wife dies and the widower decides that her headstone should have the words "she were thine" engraved on it. He calls the stone mason, who assures him that the headstone will be ready a few days after the funeral. True to his word the stone mason calls the widower to say that the headstone is ready and would he like to come and have a look. When the widower gets there he takes one look at the stone to see that it's been engraved "she were thin". He explodes - "Bloody 'ell man, you've left the 'bloody "e" out, you've left the 'bloody "e" out!" The stone mason apologises and assures the poor widower that it will be rectified the following morning. Next day comes and the widower returns to the stone mason - "There you go sir, I've put the "e" on the stone for you". The widower looks at the stone and then reads out aloud - "Eee, she were thin".

10-4 to that good buddy

:lol:

It depends what your listening to, Michael Buble, Wham, haircut 100, East 17, Justin Trousersnake etc might get you 3 penalty points and £60 fine, best advice is to go along to your local police station with your tracklist and ask there

Great pics there Paul, scenery looks amazing-love the 'Tor' pic, can you imagine racing up to that in a thick foooooog, been really sunny and clear up here too, not a cloud in the sky-and no snow either !

Hey Oldgitonabike, you know that old quarry thats just up the road from your house ? well,,,I've had a idea <object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value=" name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src=" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

Good one Merv, definately worthy of one of these

A woman goes into Harrods to buy a rod and reel for her grandson's birthday. She doesn't know which one to get, so she just grabs one and goes over to the counter. The Harrods salesman is standing there, wearing dark shades. She says, "Excuse me. Can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?" He says, "Madam, I'm completely blind; but, if you'll drop it on the counter, I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound it makes." She doesn't believe him but drops it on the counter anyway. He says, "That's a six-foot Shakespeare graphite rod with a Zebco 404 reel and 10-lb test line. It's a good all around combination, and it's on sale this week for £44." She says, "It's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I'll take it!" As she opens her purse, her credit card drops on the floor. "Oh, that sounds like a Visa card," he says. As the lady bent down to pick up the card, she accidentally farted. She was embarrassed by this but said nothing hoping no one noticed. The man rings up the sale and says, "That'll be £58.50 please." The woman is totally confused by this and asks, "Didn't you tell me it was on sale for £44. How did you get to £58.50?" He replies, "Yes Madam, the rod and reel are £44, but the Duck Caller is £11 and the Fish Bait is £3.50."

Well, its been 1 month since this simple fundraiser http://www.justgiving.com/shelter-me went live, I'm struck by the interest in it and touched by the generosity thats pushed it toward the goal of raising £150 +, going directly to http://www.shelterbox.org/, not only to help in Haiti but all over our fragile planet-more recently Portugal and Chile, many many thanks to all of you who have 'dug deep'-including not one but three celebrities-two from this very site "can you guess who they are ?" Update: the amount raised so far is £95, which is 63% (for the statistitions out there) of the target, £2 goes a long way. Stay safe, and peace be with you Jim and Diane

The tree of souls-it had to be 'triple velvet' "soft soft soft"

Nope, and nope

That looks the 'Bogs dollocks' Dave , nice colours too, and looks well clean m8 .

Yep heres a good one, little pricey tho' http://attach.high-g.net/attachments/f-16d_b52__haf-03.jpg

That sounds grim m8 maybe your speed is what confused the unit? remember these devices are designed by the military-for the military try again tomorrow at 655 knots -altitude 1800m, vector 1 niner zero HTH

A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey, I have been asked to fly to Canada with my boss and several of his friends for fishing.. We'll be gone for a long weekend. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting so could you please pack enough clothes for a 3 day weekend"..... And also would you get out my rod and tackle box from the attic ? We're leaving at 4:30 pm from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up.. 'Oh! And please pack my new navy blue silk pajamas..' The wife thinks this sounds a bit odd, but, being the good wife, She does exactly what her husband asked. Following the long weekend he came home a little tired, but, otherwise, looking good. The wife welcomes him home and asks if he caught many fish? He says, 'Yes! Lots of Walleyes, some Bass, and a few Pike. He said but why didn't you pack my new blue silk pajamas like I asked you to do? The wife replies, "I did, they're in your tackle box".

Or we can fit 4 plus the 'Foamster' in his 'suzuki miffed'

20th and 21st March, anyone goin ?

NO I'm gonna have that tune in my head for days now