as a smatter of facts heres a Mervin joke for your perusal
A man walks into a pub and as he walks past the cigarette machine, the machine shouts at him.
"Oi! You! What are you doing here, we don't want your type, here. You are fat, you are stupid and your wife's a trollop. Clear off back to your sty!"
The man doesn't know what to say, but as he approaches the bar, there is bowl of peanuts on the counter, which says to him:
"Good evening, Sir, and Welcome. It's an honour to have someone with such charm, talent, wit and good looks visit our humble establishment, I do hope you have a most enjoyable evening".
The man is most perplexed, so when the barman asks for his order, he tells him what the cigarette machine and bowl of peanuts said to him, and asked what was going on.
"Nothing to worry about, Sir," says the bartender, "The cigarette machine is out of order and the peanuts are complimentary."