Twas the night before christmas and all through the house,
Everybody felt shitty, even the mouse.
Mum’s at the Bingo and dad’s out smoking grass,
I’d just done google for a nice piece of ass.
When out on the lawn I heard such a clatter,
I sprung from my wank to see what was the matter.
Then out on the lawn I saw a big dick
I knew in a moment it must be saint nick.
He came down the chimney like a bat out of hell,
I knew in a moment the fucker had fell.
He filled all of our stockings with pretzels and beer,
And a big rubber dick for my brother the queer.
He rose up the chimney with a thunderous fart!
The son of a bitch blew the chimney apart.
He swore and he cursed as he rode out of sight,
I'm sure it was Kev on his LC that night