Ttaskmaster

I'm sure C12 are nice enough people. Perhaps the original instigators of the bullshit politics have since departed. However, it is a bit pointless being in an owners group when you don't own the relevant bike. The whole point is to express your support and belief in that particular bike being the best ever. Certainly, if you stop owning a Harley, you do actually get asked to leave the Harley Owners Group!!! TVAM is always good. However. I'd recommend first doing a Bikesafe course with the Police. Let their teaching sink in for six months or so and then look at an advanced riding scheme. I have spent time with the Vale Vultures. They're a very good club for people new to biking and/or new to bike clubs. For a lot of people, they get all they ever wanted without the politics of an MCC. So long as they fit properly and you make sure the jets are properly adjusted to match the pipes, I don't see a problem. Just remember they may not be road legal and they will be FUCKING LOUD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

1. Usually the red key is to let you know it's the last one. Typically, there will be two black ones and a final red one. It's to remind you to get replacements cut as soon as fecking possible. 2. You need a Yamaha blank, which most decent Auto Locksmiths will stock. They can then cut you a new key (or several) from the red one. Shops are another option, but typically more expensive and there's less chance they'll have the blank in stock. Also, they're less likely to do a good job. I'll always recommend a proper Auto Lockie. As a guide, use one of the smaller ads from Yellow Pages, rather than the big pretty companies with large colour adverts - These are more franchise guys and often employ cowboys. 3. Plenty of online links to PDFs. I think you can also download one from Yamaha's official website.

1999. OK, I shall assume you're not taking the piss and genuinely don't know what I'm talking about, here... 1/. Not all bikes have (or even need) a rev counter. Most Cruisers don't have one as standard. Just a speedo. We don't need one as we can hear what the engine is doing and know when to shift gear. 2/. No chain. No drive belt either. We have a shaft drive, which is great for direct power delivery and is pretty much maintenance free. No adjustments, Scottoilers or anything - Just needs final drive oil every 6-12,000 miles. 3/. Power Band is a range of revs, NOT a drive system. A typical powerband might be between 3-8,000 revs, ie the area where you have the best response on the throttle. Well, yes..... Better yet, see how it does when you get it back. Yay, a sensible remark!!! Happy to help, mate. I don't know if all bikes do this, but certainly that's what I used to do to keep up with the big 1100s. It takes a while to build up speed, of course, but it saves you pootling at 65 all the time!!

Better horns - Yes. By all means. Friend of mine kitted his VFR out with an electric-compressed air-horn. Scares the living feck out of anyone who warrants a blast!!!! Musical horns - Only if you want us to mercilessly rip the piss out of you!!! These things only belong on clown vehicles and cars with a Confederate Battle Flag painted on the roof (google up Dukes Of Hazzard).

Well, yeah - It should work for starters!!! You will. Like I said, you should expect 75 out of this thing. You won't beat the Sports style 125s, but neither will you be particularly slow. Just remember that all Cruisers are effectively tractors!! Eh??!! You yankin' my shaft drive*? Tell me you're playing dumb for humourous reasons!!!! In case someone doesn't know - Power band - The rev range of a particular gear, within which you may achieve a powerful response from the throttle. When you reach the top of the band you need to shift up, else your engine will scream like a baby dragon with it's nads stuck in a mangle!! *Coz I don't have a chain, see. Geddit? See what I did there?

The Thames Valley Vultures are Centre 12 of the Virago & Star Owners Club. The Thames Vale Vultures are a general owners group for all models of bike and trike, including 125s and Learners. About 6 or 7 years ago, there was an internal dispute among the Centre 12 (C12). A contingent of the C12 members were unhappy with the fact that the club never did very much, that is wasn't very well organised, was cliquey and unsocial etc. Then the crunch came when several of the people running the club sold their bikes and bought things like BMWs instead, yet insisted in remaining in position - How can you be in a Yamaha owners' club if you don't own a Yamaha? The result was a split between the members. The pissed off lot went and formed their own club, calling it the Thames Vale Vultures and creating a similar logo to piss off the C12 lot. There has been bitter rivalry ever since. In recent years, the VSOC has gained a reputation (particularly in this area) for being a boring bunch. Often it was more like "The Chronicles Of Paul & Rog", rather than a whole club of people. They never seemed to go anywhere, do anything or whatever and became quite insular. Eventually, the VSOC lost the official endorsement from Yamaha. TBH, I've never heard much about the other VSOC centres - Just C12 as they're local. I've seen a couple of their members around once, but that's it. By comparison, the Vale Vultures have now become one of (if not THE) largest owners club in our local area. They have monthly rideouts, biking holidays, attend lots of events, do some very high profile charity work and have a pretty good reputation. They're not an MCC, so they don't really come under the Red & White radar at all, but most of the nearby MAG groups are inter-affiliated with them. The Vale Vultures rep is also the NABD rep for Berkshire. So yeah, that's basically the story. There's some other politics involved, but those are more private matters between individual members - The sort of thing you get with any enthusiast groups.

This is how we does it: OK... Fill the tank and zero your mileometer. Now ride around normally until the bike starts jerking back and forth. You'll notice a very distinct lack of power and throttle response. Just so you're prepared for it, this should happen at around 120 miles. This is basically the end of your main tank. You have a reserve amount left - Around 2.5 litres, which will get you something like 20-30 miles further. On the left side of the bike is the Fuel Tap. You will need to switch this from the ON position to the RES position. MAKE A NOTE OF YOUR MILEAGE NOW!!!! Then ride to the nearest fuel station and fill up. REMEMBER to turn the fuel tap back to ON. IIRC, when you refill from running on the reserve, you have to turn the fuel tap to PRIME, start it and then switch back to ON. Do check the manual first, though, as I'm getting old and my memory isn't what it used to be..... Now carry on riding, keeping an eye on your mileage. Refuel before you hit that reserve point and you'll be fine. Just REMEMBER to zero your counter every time you fill the fuel tank!!!! You may get a slightly lower or higher mileage out of your bike, depending on whether you do a lot of motorway or in-town riding. Just remember the magic number and keep in mind when you're likely to hit reserve. As a side note - Switching to reserve can be done two ways - Either learn to do it on the move, or if you're not very confident, pull over. The bike may stall if you stop, but don't worry. Just switch to Reserve and re-start normally. Just a little thing, really. Your bike may vary somewhat, but this generally works on most 125s. Please note, this is more an art than a science. Ride all the way through the power band, shifting up just before the engine gets uncomfortable (ie starts getting too noisy). On the Drag, top speed can be achieved in 4th gear. 5th is just to ease the engine. Go all the way up to 4th and ride the power band up. Shift into 5th at the appropriate point and maintain a steady cruising speed. This should be at around 1/3rd throttle. S-L-O-W-L-Y increase throttle. I do mean very gradually. Eventually, you'll be at 4/5ths throttle and doing around 80mph. Please note this is on the 125 Drag only. This is for distance cruising only. Obviously if you have to slow at all, you will have to start building up again.

Why does everyone keep agreeing with me? I'm a pretentious cock!!!! Well, there's no expensive plastic bodywork for starters. By the time I got mine, it has 11 previous owners. During that time, it had been stood for four years without an oil change, the gearbox had seized, it had been dropped thrice, crashed twice, knocked over by a car, knocked over by a bus, hit diesel and gone sliding, run without oil once and finally had twisted forks for reasons unknown. Mostly by the owner who gave it to me. In my time, I lowsided twice and dropped it once. Despite some cosmetic damage to the exhausts, it was still trucking along like a happy trooper when I move up to the 650!!! What rev counter? It's a Cruiser!!!! Ride it gently for the first 200 miles. Then have fun with it - Should do an effortless 75mph!! Please note - Foreign import Drags will be slower, especially Ze German ones (the 'Use Unleaded Fuel' sticker will be in German). They seem limited to an average 65mph. There is an easy throttle trick to making them go faster, but it's only useful on the long motorway trips.

A: Very easy - The Restrictor kit will cost you around the £145, incuding fitting, at any decent motorcycle garage, be it a dealer or an independent. B: Not really. The 650 is a low-risk bike. What will cost is the lack of no claims, lack of age & experience, any commuting, pillion cover and bits like that. TBH, at 17 you're looking at quite a high price wherever you go. But do shop around and play companies off against each other. I'm surprised to be insured through Carole Nash, who beat everyone elses' prices else by a good £70!!! It's certainly not going to be as high as if you had a 33BHP Hayabusa, though!!! Do you mean VSOC Centre 12? Or the Thames Vale Vultures?

Nope, you were still wrong. I had a 125 Drag and it was amazing. Never struggled, except up hills like the one in Porlock!! But like any bike, you have to look after it. Leaving the same oil in it for years at a standstill will kill almost any bike!!!

Absolute bollocks - How can you pose in tassled leathers & sunglasses if you've got one of those??!! Okay matey... start by checking everything on the list. Oil is always a good one. This may sound like a daft question, but have you been taught how to ride by a professional? Just checking, as you'd be surprised how many people just hop on a bike without training!! Certainly 5th gear is too high to be doing 30. What sort of performance do you get in the other gears?

Every other creature in existence whacks the living shit out of it's bastard offspring when they step out of line. It's the natural way of learning what is bad to do. I vote we start biting, clawing and ripping the ears off our kids!!!

An XS 11,000???!!!!! Cor, that's a big engine...... One might argue it's a bit of an 'XS', ha ha ha ha ha......... OK, I'll get me coat.........

You're supposed to click every time you see a potential hazard, then again when you see it develop into an actual hazard. Some places advice clicking again immediately after it develops, just to be sure. Basically, when the actual hazard comes up you have a specific window in which to click. Click outside that window and you lose the points. The best way to see this is to get a training CD ROM or similar. Lots of online sites do test videos too.

I follow ya, mate!! Hence I'm not doing the Summer Rider Piss-Take!! If I had the money, I'd likely have bought a bike better suited to Winter. But as is, I make do with the Chrome Queen and just do lots of cleaning, conditioning and ACF applying!!

Yes. Now go sit alone in the corner!! Seriously though, I'd have expected other issues to be apparent from a mis-alignment, particularly when braking.

NAHHHHH!!! I ride the Cruiser all year round.

I have many ideas, some of which are even serious ones!! Basically, something along the circuit has gone. Start by checking the switch on the front of your brake lever. Make sure it's plugged in - Some come off for fiddling about with the controls. Make sure your brake lever moves enough to close the switch and make the circuit, too. Visually inspect the whole wiring and anything it's connected to, like fuses, switches, boxes, looms etc. If this doesn't yield any clues, check each section with a multimeter.

Actually, I don't like chrome. I accept the chrome that comes with the bike, but beyond that I am the complete opposite of a Chrome Queen.

For or against? You'll have to decide From memory, it was something along the lines of this; "Errrr...... Dude? I don't know if anyone's pointed this out, but - You're riding a Cruiser!!! Your bike mostly comprises artfully painted metal/plastic bodywork, blackened framework and chrome bits. Your accessories are mostly leather, chrome, leather and chrome, possibly chromed chrome, lots of chrome, manyfold chrome or chrome, chrome, chrome and chrome. You are permitted clear plastic only on those parts which must necessarily be transparent. They should still have as much chrome accenting on them as possible. Incidentally, you are also expected to wear leather of some description, preferably with chromed parts. You are also expected to wear a bandanna at all times, except those where the law insists upon a helmet. You will be expected to have a big beard and sunglasses, along with a beer gut and leather waistcoat. You are expected to hold up ALL traffic, to allow a Little Old Lady to cross the road". So in short, ALL your specific bike's accessories will likely come ONLY in chrome!! As an aside, I do expect a few brainless tossers will actually have a go at me for belittling Cruiser riders in this fashion. I heartily recommend that such people take a look on the left of my posts, read the text beneath the St George flag, go look up 'Ironic' in the dictonary and then impale themselves on a large marital aid..... before removing their testicles, going out and buying a small cc Scooter!!

Unlikely. I wrote a long piss-taking reply about Cruisers, chrome etc, but the internet hiccupped and lost it. Check the Hein Gericke catalogue. You will find a couple of bits there and maybe some manufacturers who are willing to custom build. It will be expensive. Beyond that and without spending shitloads of cash, little chance really.

You get me in a position to decide guilt and punishment, I promise you I will SLAM these fuckers for all their (not) worth!!!

If the pitting is not bad, then you can get one of those mobile guys who electro-plates metal pits with in-situ silver & gold plating (usually car badges and the like). Some of them will do chrome. I only know of one guy, but he's in Inverness, preparing to move to France (if he hasn't already)!! Deeply pitted surfaces will require many passes, though. I imagine your engine casings, being so close to the torrent of grit from the road surface, will be somewhat knackered?

Absolute piffle. It is merely my opinion that ABS isn't all it's cracked up to be. It will help in some circumstances, but people are taking the same attitude that car drivers have to being surrounded by bodywork and airbags. The same sort of people who turn into a brick wall because their SatNav said "Turn Right Now"!!! It can help, but it is just an aid - It's not there to do the braking jobs for you. You still have to ride safely, brake sensibly, read the road, plan ahead and so on. By all means, get ABS and have fun being safe. If you don't believe me about the neccesary considerations though, then try panic braking on a diesel laden wet road and see what happens..... ABS or not, get it wrong and you're an instant Tarmac Surfer!!! I'm not old enough to know what plunger frames are and carb tickling is (though they sound like illegal practices in most States.....) - And I happen to hugely dislike my drum brakes!!

I'm assuming Lady Goff has already tried all reasonable approaches. Besides, Thermite just about registers in the mind of a drink-driving, crackhead stoner. But seriously, try " 'avin' a word wiv 'im"!!