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get your xmas jokes in now


drewpy
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Tampax is bringing out a new tampon. they have replaced the string with a piece of coloured tinsel.... it's being released for the christmas period.

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Guest FZ6 GEOFF S2

Tampax is bringing out a new tampon. they have replaced the string with a piece of coloured tinsel.... it's being released for the christmas period.

yep theres goes my dinner!! disgusting!!!!!! lololololol joke

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What do Michael Jackson and Santa Claus have in common?

They both leave little boys' bedrooms with empty sacks

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A guy is walking on the street, feeling suicidal after losing his job and divorcing is wife, when suddenly he finds Santa.

"Hey Santa! I'm so glad I found you! I would be so happy if you gave me a loving wife and a new job this Christmas!"

"Sure thing. You'll have all that you want if you pay a small price...", says Santa before dropping his pants and pointing to his cock.

The guy finishes-up and wipes his mouth and Santa asks him

"How old are you?"

"38, why?"

"And at that age you still believe in Santa?"

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  • 2 weeks later...
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Three men died on Christmas Eve and were met by Saint Peter at the pearly gates.

"In honor of this holy season," Saint Peter said, "you must each possess something that symbolizes Christmas to get into heaven."

The first man fumbled through his pockets and pulled out a lighter. He flicked it on. "It represents a candle, he said."

You may pass through the pearly gates Saint Peter said.

The second man reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys.

He shook them and said, "They're bells."

Saint Peter said you may pass through the pearly gates.

The third man started searching desperately through his pockets and finally pulled out a pair of women's panties.

St. Peter looked at the man with a raised eyebrow and asked, "And just what do those symbolize?"

The man replied, "These are Carol's."

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Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker are fighting with their light sabers..........

Darth: "Luke, I know what your having for Christmas"

Luke (screaming): " Noooo.

Darth: "Luke, I do know what your having for Christmas"

Luke: "no you don't"

Darth: " Luke I do"

Luke "how do you know"................

Darth: " I felt your presence"

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It was supposed to be a happy time, but it wasn't. Santa was really pissed.

It was Christmas Eve and NOTHING was going right. Mrs. Claus had burned all the Christmas cookies. The Elves were bitching about not getting paid for the overtime they had put in while making toys, and the reindeer had been drinking all afternoon and were dead drunk. They had taken the sleigh out for a spin earlier in the day and crashed it into a tree, breaking off one of the runners.

Santa was beside himself with anger. "I CAN'T believe it! I've got to deliver millions of presents all over the world in just a few hours from now and all my reindeer are drunk, my Elves are on strike and I don't even have a Christmas tree! I sent that stupid Little Angel out HOURS a go to find a tree and she isn't even back yet! What am I going to do?"

Just then the Little Angel opened the front door and stepped in from the snowy night, dragging a Christmas tree.

He says: "Hey fatass, where do you want me to stick the Christmas Tree this year???"

And thus the tradition of Angels perched atop the Christmas trees came to pass. . . . .

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HHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAA

AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAA........

Plonk.

(laughing my head off)

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  • 2 weeks later...
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He laid her on the table so white and clean and bare.

His forehead wet with beads of sweat, he rubbed her here and there.

He touched her neck and felt her breast then drooling felt her thigh.

The slit was wet and all was set, he gave a joyous cry.

The hole was wide, he looked inside, all was dark and murky.

He rubbed his hands and stretched his arms,

Then stuffed the Christmas turkey!

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