up.yours Posted January 20, 2012 Posted January 20, 2012 bad taste but youve got to laugh I reported a dead woman lying in a field to the police. They asked me: 'How did you find her body?' I said, 'Her tits were ok, but the rigormortis had tightened her arse a bit too much for my liking' My missus asked me to help her stop sucking her thumb, so I drew a cock on it A man donates blood to his wife after she is badly hurt in a car crash. A few years later they go through a bitter divorce and he demands his blood back!. So she throws a tampon in his face and says "there you go you miserable git, I'll pay you back monthly!" And the moral of this story is :- Even if a woman eventually pays back what she owes a man!, there will ALWAYS be a string attached! My Wife asked me to go to the Doctors about my Erection problem, she wasn't pleased when i came back and gave her some Slimming Pills
up.yours Posted January 24, 2012 Author Posted January 24, 2012 Phone rings, woman answers. The pervert, with heavy breathing: "Have you got a tight, unshaven c**t ?" Woman: "Yes, he's watching telly - who shall I say is calling?" Woman in labour, shouting and screaming as usual, 'get this out of me, give me drugs'. She turns to the boyfriend and says 'You did this to me you f**ker'. He replied casually, 'If you remember, I wanted to stick it up your ar$e but you said, 'F**k off it'll be too painful' I'm not normally suspicious, but the wife told me yesterday that Gavin from Autoglass came round and injected that special resin into her crack ..... she hasn't even got a car!!
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