I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer (OK in Texas)

Sorry, Officer, I didn't realise my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

Aren't you the guy from the village people?

Hey, You must have been doing 125mph to keep up with me. Well done!

I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to be a police officer?

You're not gonna check the boot are you?

Gee Officer! Thats terrific! The last officer only gave me a warning too!

Do you know why you pulled me over? OK, just so one of us does!

I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other vehicles around...... That's how far ahead of me they are.

When the officer says ''Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?'' You shouldn't probably respond with, ''Your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?''

Here's 1 more:

"My license?.....Isn't it back there on the bumper?"

If they ask if you have a police record DON'T say "Yeah, Walking On The Moon" like my mate did!

If they ask if you have a police record DON'T say  "Yeah, Walking On The Moon"  like my mate did!

A mate of mine got pulled for speeding. The cop asked him why he was in such a hurry. My mate told him he wanted a shit. The copper told him he'd found one and kept him at the side of the road for 30 minutes.

A mate of mine got pulled for speeding. The cop asked him why he was in such a hurry. My mate told him he wanted a shit. The copper told him he'd found one and kept him at the side of the road for 30 minutes.

When i was pulled in oz the exact words from the cop were do you know how fast you were going....

I so nearly said the one about not fast enough as you caught me up. Wish i had said it now, now that they keep sending me court letters home

when they ask for you liscence don't say "i wish you people would make up your mind, last week you took my liscence and this week you want to see it"

I pay your salary!

Hey, can you give me another one of those full cavity searches?

Cool, is that a 9mm? That's nothing compared to this 44 magnum.

Well, when I reached down to pick up my bag of crack, my gun fell off of my lap and got lodged between the brake and the gas pedal, forcing me to speed out of control.

What do you mean have I been drinking? You are the trained specialist.

Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on cops?

Didn't I see you get your butt kicked on COPS?

PMSL....

Sorry mate don't speak a word of foreign.

Better still..

And the brits favourite.

CAN'T YOU SPEAK ENGLISH. BLOODY FOREIGNERS.

So what if its your country

Following a very silly incident which resulted in me recieving a well deserved ban (Don't race coppers in north wales cos when you fall off and they fish you out of a hedge they still chuck the book at you) I asked a rather red faced rozzer how many points i would get? he screamed YOU GET BANNED!!!! and when i asked if i got any for artistic impression he bounced my head of the roof of the police car. Ah to be young and stupid.

how about;

sorry officer but your misses hates it when im late!

You could try.

"Sorry, i have no idea how fast i was going. Without my glasses i can't see as far as the speedo"

"While you're hear i'll have a 99 with a flake please"

or adopt your best Kenneth Williams voice "OOH don't you look smart in your uniform"

a mate of a mate, got pulled over by the police a few years ago, and the orificer said " Do you know why i have pulled you over ??" and the kid said "is it because i havent got any insurance??" what an idiot. lmao

The best i've found to say to the police is.............

"Why dont you go and catch some proper criminals" (They love that one) lol

Sorry officer I must have dozed off.

Thank god your siren woke me!

My mate's are coppers and they're of the "yer polite, ye get the minimum punishment; yer cheeky, yer getting the book off your head (and probably a dig in the ribs); make him laugh, yer getting let off" variety. Going for the funny angle's a risk though and if ye don't pull it off, shield those ribs.....

How dare you say I was riding dangerously! I'm always extra careful when I've had a few pints.

90 MPH? But the needle never went over 60 (pointing to the rev counter on a big twin).

It was not me that was speeding, officer, it was the car I was overtaking at the time.

Stop pestering me or I'll kick your guide dog.

I'll thank you to remember that you're only a public servant, and I am a member of the public.

The front tyre is bald,,,,thats why i wheelie everywhere ,,, Im,e late for a court hearing ,,,, Was i really doing 95,,,,,,,wow ,,, how was my line ,,, Yea i know what your gonna say,,,,,,i missed the apex !!!!! ,, Well there was this really fast car behind me and wow it looked just like yours !!