Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

I have an existential map. It has "You are here" written all over it.

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

If you shoot at mimes, should you use a silencer?

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to paint it.

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

Last night somebody broke into my apartment and replaced everything with exact duplicates... When I pointed it out to my roommate, he said, "Do I know you?"

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, "Did you sleep good?" I said "No, I made a few mistakes."

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

Just because you're paranoid doesn't mean they aren't following you.

I am educated beyond my intelligence.

I was thinking about getting a full body tatoo of myself but taller.

I bought a helicopter, but I live in the city and there is no place to park it, so I tied it to a tree and left it running.

I'm not afraid of heights....I'm afraid of widths.

Eveywhere is walking distance if you have the time. .

I particularly like that one

This one makes alot of sense :wink: ....

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

Very funny !