Posted February 5, 201015 yr Moderator I get on extremely well with the lesbians next door. They asked me what I would like for my birthday. I was stunned when they gave me a Rolex. It was very nice of them, but I think they misunderstood me when I said, "I wanna watch." --- Why is it when your wife becomes pregnant, all her female friends rub her tummy and say congratulations" but none of them rub your dick and say "well done"? --- Honestly some folk will take offence at anything. I met a bloke with no legs this morning while at the bus stop and all I asked was "How are you getting on?" --- Paddy was in the delivery room when the midwife handed him a black baby "Is this yours?" she asked. "Probably." said Paddy "She burns everything else!" --- Sex therapist claim that the most effective way to arouse your man is to spend 10 minutes licking his ears!! Personally I think its bollocks!! --- They reckon that Beer contains female hormones and I think they are right. After 8 pints I talk sh1t and can't drive! --- Vicar booking into a hotel asks the receptionist "Is the Porn channel in my room disabled?" "No," she replies "no it's just regular porn." --- A mate of mine has just told me he's s*hagging his girlfriend and her twin. I said "How can you tell them apart?" He said "Her brother's got a moustache!" --- A biker goes to the doctor with hearing problems. "Can you describe the symptoms to me?" asked the doctor. "Yes. Homer is a fat yellow lazy b*stard and Marge is a skinny bird with big blue hair."
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