Divvy_Rider Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 They now sell condoms lined with ink so if you cant come at least you can leave a message Girls, whats the best way to get rid of excess fat? Divorce him Woman: Doctor, my tummy's sore Doctor: How's your arsehole? Woman: I left him at home Man: I can't come in today i'm sick Boss: How sick are you? Man: Well, I'm in bed with my sister What do you call an intelligent blonde? A Labrador Remember, a man is only as old as he looks: And if he only looks, he's old! Why do women have two holes so close together? In case you miss Men are like toilets: Either vacant, engaged, or full of shit Why is a man like a snow storm? You don't know when it's coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last Why is the space between a woman's breasts and her hips called a waist? Because you could easily fit another pair of tits in there Whats the difference between a whore and a bitch? A whore sleeps with everyone at the party: A bitch sleeps with everyone at the party except you What's the difference between Jamie Oliver and a jog in the park? One's a pant in the country; the other's a cunt in the pantry What's the difference between a wife and a job? After ten years the job still sucks The definition of an Italian virgin: A girl who can outrun her brother! Why do nuns walk around in pairs? So one nun can make sure that the other nun doesn't get nun! What do you say to a man who's just had sex? Anything you like, he'll be asleep Why can't little girls fart? They don't have an arsehole until they're married What's the definition of eternity? The time between when you've come and she leaves Husband: Do you fancy a quick shag? Wife: As opposed to what? What would a man define as foreplay? Half an hour of begging Woman: Has your husband been circumcised? Friend: No, he's a complete prick Why do hippos make love in water? Have you any idea how hard it is to keep a 7 pound clitoris wet? Man: I think my wife is dead Friend: What do you mean "think"? Man: Well, the sex life's the same, but the washing's piling up Did you hear about that bloke who put a condom on back to front and went! What comes after 69? A good mouthwash Why do women rub there eyes in the morning? They've got no balls to scratch Why are hurricanes named after women? When they come it's wet and warm, and when they go they take your house and car Why is a beer and a cucumber better than a man? The beer comes in a can; not on your face, and a cucumber stays hard for a week What do a clitoris, an anniversary and a toilet have in common? Men always miss them What's the difference between a woman and a fridge? A fridge doesn't fart when you take the meat out What's the similarity between a woman and a bank account? After you make a withdrawal you lose interest What's the definition of macho? Jogging home from your own vasectomy Girl tells the man: Your rubbish in bed Man tells the girl: How can you tell in 20 seconds? Man: When we make love, do you ever fake it? Wife: No, i'm always asleep Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
N_Tart Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 Very good Divvy_Rider something for everyone there! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Divvy_Rider Posted July 9, 2004 Author Share Posted July 9, 2004 Of Course, the dishwasher hates it when im sexist :wink: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
N_Tart Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 [-X Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Divvy_Rider Posted July 9, 2004 Author Share Posted July 9, 2004 Just kidding Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest JMW Posted July 9, 2004 Share Posted July 9, 2004 No sense of humor .. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator YamaHead Posted July 10, 2004 Moderator Share Posted July 10, 2004 What's the difference between a woman and a fridge? A fridge doesn't fart when you take the meat out Definitely my Fav from that list Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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