Some of this is nearly English:

Sentences in letters written to councils in UK

1.. It's the dogs' mess that I find hard to swallow

2.. I want some repairs done to my cooker as it has

Backfired and burnt my knob off.

3.. I wish to complain that my father burnt his ankle very

badly when he put his foot in the hole in his back passage..

4.. And their 18 year old son is continually banging his

balls against my fence.

5.. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the

outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.

6..My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

7.. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away

From the wall.

8.. Will you please send someone to mend the garden path.

My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

9.. I request permission to remove my drawers in the

kitchen.

10.. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster,

and 50% are Plain filthy.

11.. I am still having problems with smoke in my new

drawers.

12.. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children

until it is Cleared.

13..Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a

funny colour and Not fit to drink.

14..Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three

pieces.

15..I want to complain about the farmer across the road.

Every morning at 6am his cock wakes me up and it's now getting too much For me.

16..The man next door has a large erection in the back

garden, which is Unsightly and dangerous.

17..Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and

would like a third So please send someone round to do something about it.

18..I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and

would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

19..Please send a man with the right tool to finish the job

and satisfy my wife.

20.. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six

times but I still have no satisfaction.

21.. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is

broke and we can't get BBC2.

22.. My bush is really overgrown round the front and my

back passage has fungus growing in it.

23..He's got this huge tool that vibrates the whole

house and I just can't take it anymore.

CLASS!