Moderator mervin Posted February 17, 2006 Moderator Share Posted February 17, 2006 Cardiff Zoo had acquired a female of a very rare species of Gorilla. > > Within a few weeks, the gorilla became very cantankerous and difficult to > handle. > > Upon examination, the Zoo veterinarian determined the problem. > > The gorilla was on heat. > > To make matters worse, there were no male gorilla of the species available. > > While reflecting on their problem, the Zoo management noticed Gareth, a big > Welsh lad from Swansea, responsible for fixing the Zoo's machinery. > > Gareth, like most Swansea boys, had little sense, but seemed to be possessed > with ample ability to satisfy a female of ANY species. > > So, the administrators thought they might have a solution. > > Gareth was approached with a proposition. > > Would he be willing to have intercourse with the gorilla for £500 ? > > Gareth showed some interest, but said he would have to think the matter over > carefully. > > The following day, he announced that he would accept their offer, only under > three conditions: > > "First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her". > > "Secondly, you must never tell anyone about this." > > The Zoo administration quickly agreed to these conditions, so they asked > what was his third condition. > > "Well," said Gareth........ > > "You've got to give me another week to come up with the £500." > > =========================== > > The Herberts were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a > surrogate father to start their family.> > > On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Herbert kissed his wife and > said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon". > > Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang > the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. Good morning madam. I've come to...." > > "Oh, no need to explain. Come in," Mrs. Herbert cut in. > > "Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! My specialty is babies. > > "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat." > After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?" > > Photographer - "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, > one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room > floor is fun too. You can really spread out!" > > Wife - "Bathtub, couch, bed, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for > my husband and me." > > Photographer - "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. > But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven > angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results." > > Wife - "My, my, that's a lot of...." > > Photographer - "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. > I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with > that, I'm sure." > > Wife (muttering)- "Don't I know it." > > The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby > pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus." > > Wife - "Oh my god!" > > Photographer - "And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you > consider their mother was so difficult to work with." > > Wife - "She was difficult?" > > Photographer - "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to > get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, > pushing to get a good look." > > Wife - "Four and five deep?" (eyes wide in amazement). > > Photographer - "Yes, and for more than three hours, too. The mother was > constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate! > Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the > squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in." > > Wife (leaning forward) - "You mean they actually chewed on your... > equipment?" > > Photographer - "That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my > tripod so that we can get to work" > > Wife - "Tripod?" > > Photographer - "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. > It's> much too big for me to hold very long!" > > At this point Mrs. Herbert fainted.... > _________________ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Tomg Posted February 26, 2006 Share Posted February 26, 2006 hahahaha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moderator Beezkneez Posted February 27, 2006 Moderator Share Posted February 27, 2006 quality Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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