Jump to content

~~Daily Feed, post what made you laugh today ~~


sniff6

Recommended Posts

Do you want an ad-free experience? Join today and help support the Yamaha Owners Club.

Dear Asda,

Last week I purchased some of your "smart price" toilet tissue and I have some thoughts to share with you.

For my first use I folded it twice like I normally would, but it was so weak it broke, at which point I realised I had fingered myself. That's right. No romance, no weekend in Venice, just one swift digit up the wrong 'un in a cold bathroom in Nottingham.

So what exactly is "smart" about "smart price"? My eyes certainly smarted a bit as I jabbed at my rectum. I spent the next few minutes in the saddest bathroom scene since Oscar Pistorius, debating whether to sacrifice a bath towel, a sock or the fleece of the first staff member I find at my local store.

A few more minutes passed, the anger subsided and I made a second attempt. You see this stuff might be half the price of branded stuff, but I found I needed to bandage it tightly 7-8 times around my hand to prevent me from molesting myself a second time, leaving me looking like an Egyptian mummy that's just performed a prostate exam.

The feeling of shame was soon replaced with regret, as I realised I had better things within arms reach to do the job. Even the pumice stone on the edge of my bath looked like it could do a better job than the stuff you supply.

I noticed in the news today your sales have dropped 7.5% in 3 months. Looks like it's not just the competition you can't wipe out!

Yours truly,

Ben Martin

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

He's in Beverly Hills Sacha that should say it all.:lol:

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

I could really do with a set of those for my two girls!  Haha

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • 3 weeks later...

The teacher asked young Billy to form a sentence using the word " Contagious "  .  Billy thought for a minute and answered - " When my Dad saw the decorator coming up the garden with a 2 inch brush he told my Mum that if  he's  gonna paint the ceiling with that, it'll take the contagious ".

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

My dad's to-do list this morning. What a character. :biglaugha:

527b386fc1096cf0dcd9c290044a2d23.jpg

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

An old retired ex-prostitute was giving an interview to a young journalist during  which she described her "career" , and the history of the tradearrow-10x10.png in the local area . " Were you ever picked up by the Fuzz?", asked the hip young journalist . 

 "No Sonny", she replied , " But I have been swung around by me tits a few times !".

  • Like 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Seems funny from one angle right up till it's your daughter!

  • Like 3
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.


  • Who's Online (See full list)

    • There are no registered users currently online
  • Recently Browsing

    • No registered users viewing this page.
×
×
  • Create New...