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The monkey on the bike is cool but the long ass chain hooked to his neck is twatish.

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Yeah seen this before, new riders should get one of these free with every bike they buy.

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• Biker: It's not my bike. I stole it.

• Officer: The motorcycle is stolen?

• Biker: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the tool bag when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the tool bag?

• Biker: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the dude who owns this bike and stuffed his dope in the saddle bags.

• Officer: There's drugs in the saddle bags too?!?!?

• Biker: Yes, sir. Hearing this, the rookie immediately called his captain. The biker was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the biker to handle the tense situation:

• Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

• Biker: Sure. Here it is. It was valid.

• Captain: Who's motorcycle is this?

• Biker: It's mine, officer. Here's the registration.

• Captain: Could you slowly open your tool bag so I can see if there's a gun in it?

• Biker: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it. Sure enough, there was nothing in the tool bag.

• Captain: Would you mind opening your saddle bags? I was told you said there's drugs in them.

• Biker: No problem. The saddle bags were opened; no drugs.

• Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole this motorcycle, had a gun in the tool bag, and that there were drugs in the saddle bags.

• Biker: Yeah, I'll bet he told you I was speeding, too.

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  • 2 weeks later...
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A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity.
John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to 'clean up' the bird's vocabulary.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude. John, in desperation, threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer.
For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed. Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arm and said;
I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behavior."
John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude.
As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behavior, the bird spoke-up, very softly;
"May I ask what the turkey did?"

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There is a gorilla walking through the jungle and he is feeling extremely horny, hornier in fact than he has ever felt in his life. He had a row with his missus several days ago and she is having nothing to do with him in the bedroom part of the nest, so to speak. Wandering through the jungle he happens upon a watering hole, there is the lion, king of the jungle taking a drink. The lion is bent over and his tale is switching back and forth in what the gorilla finds a very sexy way. He watches the lion’s tail for a minute or so and he can no longer help himself. The gorilla charges forward, pushes the lions head down and mounts the lion. He gives the lion a right old seeing too, finishes pleasuring himself and then the enormity of what he has done strikes him. “Oh shit, I have just shagged the king of the jungle” the gorilla says to himself and runs off into the jungle. The lion jumps up and gives the most enormous roar of indignation, the whole jungle quivers with the strength of the sound. Meanwhile the gorilla is running away as fast as he can. The lion charges into the jungle roaring with all his might. The gorilla runs into a clearing where an explorer is sitting on a log reading The Times. The gorilla rips the paper out of his hands, knocks the fellow out, hides him in the bushes, dons his pith helmet and glasses and sits reading the paper in an innocent manner. He can hear the lion approaching but the gorilla is a cool customer and does not move. The lion enters the clearing rushes over to the gorilla and rips The Times straight down the middle. The lion is trembling with anger, he is after all king of the jungle. He looks at the gorilla and roars “Have you seen a gorilla” To which the gorilla cool as ever replies “Do you mean the one that fucked the lion?” the lion claps one paw over his eyes and shaking his head he says “Oh no, is it in the papers already?”

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UMMM your joking Right!!!

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Yes, photoshop at its finest. Funny though.

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Poor little spiders, they are all orphans now... :-(

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