Alan

I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer (OK in Texas) Sorry, Officer, I didn't realise my radar detector wasn't plugged in. Aren't you the guy from the village people? Hey, You must have been doing 125mph to keep up with me. Well done! I thought you had to be in relatively good shape to be a police officer? You're not gonna check the boot are you? Gee Officer! Thats terrific! The last officer only gave me a warning too! Do you know why you pulled me over? OK, just so one of us does! I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other vehicles around...... That's how far ahead of me they are. When the officer says ''Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?'' You shouldn't probably respond with, ''Your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?''

Wheelbase of a truck! Don't they have any bends over the pond?

What is it with Brighton?

Congrats! I thought Suzy was a gurl

Not a lot

Have you thought about getting some heated grips? They're about same price as a decent pair of gloves

Wot wiv? A stick?

Yeah, get up there occassionally - got relatives in the area

Too many to mention Here's some of them Falling off outside me house x3 Forgetting to undo steering lock x2 Getting sidestand spring stuck in ankle and falling over (still got the scar from that one) Crashing into the back of me Dad's car. He stopped I didn't! Showing off in front of girls at chippie - pulled a wheelie and fell off the back. Trying to bumpstart a GS1000 with a dragging clutch and being dragged 30yards up the road before being dumped in a hedge All these happened when I was young and daft. Nowadays I'm just daft

Go on, ask me another?

They're called bobbins Hope your brain comes back soon

Mine's on there

Hi Suggy

Yep think leadwing or Harley 'Massey Ferguson' Davidson

NO!

A woman brought a very limp duck into a vterinary surgeon. As she laid her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the birds chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said ''I'm so sorry, your pet has passed away.'' The distressed owner wailed, ''Are you sure?'' ''Yes I'm sure. The duck is dead'' the vet replied. ''How can you be so sure'' she protested. ''I mean, you haven't done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.'' The vet rolled his eyes, turned around and left the room. He returned a few moments later with a pair of Labrador Retrievers. As the duck's owner looked on in amazement, the dogs stood on their hind legs, put their front paws on the examination table and sniffed the duck from top to bottom. They then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook their heads. The vet patted the dogs,took them out of the room and returned a few moments later with a beautiful cat. The cat jumped up on the table and also sniffed the bird from it's beak to it's tail and back again. The cat sat back on it's haunches, shook it's head, meowed softly, jumped down and strolled out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, ''I'm sorry, but as I said, this is most definitely, 100% certifiably, a dead duck.'' Then the vet turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill, which he handed to the woman. The duck's owner, still in shock, took the bill. ''£150!'' she cried ''£150 just to tell me my duck is dead?!!'' The vet shrugged. ''I'm sorry. If you'd taken my word for it, the bill would have been £20. But with the Lab Reports and the CAT scan it all adds up.''

I've had Hondas in the past. A CB400/4 and a CB750F1. The 400/4 was a stonking little bike. Wish I'd kept it. It was the first bike that I ever cracked the ton on!

It's like the shite they serve in our works canteen

A guy at work had his bike nicked from out of his garage a few years back. His next door neighbour actually helped the thieving bastards load it into their van! They told him that theyed come to collect it for servicing!

You'd need asbestos cladding on your leg to ride it

The bike pictured is a 1921 Ner-a-car. Built in Syracuse N.Y and under licence by the Simplex Luxury Car Maker of Sheffield U.K. The first bikes were powered(?) by a 221cc 2 stroke single. The U.K built bikes were 285cc or 350cc 2 stroke singles. These were known as the Blackburne or Model C. They stopped production in 1924.

Rossi's 2005 GP bike. It'll beat the Ondas

I must admit that Hondas have got the best build quality BUT......................... As the advert from a few years ago said ''You meet the nicest people on a Honda''

What? By helicopter? Was this tumble dryer part of a herd?