Jump to content


  • Posts

  • Joined

  • Last visited

Everything posted by Alan

  1. Alan

    It's Been A While

    Not replied sooner P.C on the blink Got the R1 before we got married(just). Kept telling her I need a new bike, I need a new bike! She got fed up with that so she agreed in the end. Took her indoors on the back once - it will be a while before she goes on it again. Just lineing up for a bend when she decides to move about on the back Nearly stuck bike in a hedge then said it were my fault. Bit of a row so slept on me hand that nite Off to Donington 2morrow for BSB scrutineerings from 1.30
  2. That's one hell of a hamster ball
  3. Alan

    It's Been A While

    Hi folks, Not been on ere for what seems like years. Time for a quick roundup of whats been happening since i were last on here Here goes! Got married to my long suffering fiance Cheryl last August - only took 15 years - nowt like a long engagement Still Scrutineering (have been made up to Chief Scrutineer at Darley Moor) Taking Early Voluntary Redundancy from work - finish May 13th - mega pay off, they made me an offer I couldn't refuse. The Exup is no more BUT I've now got me a 1999 R1 in blue and it's f**king MEGA. I got a good price in p/ex for the exup so it had to go. I've had R1 since July last year and it's completely standard except from the Akrapovic can and Carbon Fibre Mudguard that I've fitted. Cheers Alan
  4. The Derby lads will be there. See ya Sunday!
  5. Alan

    April Fools Ideas

    Leaving a couple of bolts under a mates bike is good for a giggle. Watching them rip their hair out trying to find holes to put bolts back in!
  6. Alan

    Polish Divorce

    A Polish man married an English girl. Being in England for a year or so, although his english was far from perfect, they got along very well. Until one day he rushed into a solicitors office and asked him if he could arrang a quickie divorce. The solicitor said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances and asked him the following quesions: Solicitor - ''Have you any grounds?'' Pole - ''Ja Ja, an acre and a half and a nice little home with three bedrooms''. Solicitor - ''No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?'' Pole - ''It is made of concrete, brick and mortar.'' Solicitor - ''Does either of you have a real grudge?'' Pole - ''No,'' he replied, ''We have a two car carport and have never really needed one.'' Solicitor - ''I mean what are your relations like?'' Pole - ''All my relations are in Poland.'' Solicitor - ''Is there any infidelity in your marriage?'' Pole - ''Yes - we have a hi fidelity stereo set and DVD player with 6.1 sound. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your question is yes!'' Solicitor - ''No, I mean does your wife beat you up?'' Pole - ''No I'm always up before her.'' Solicitor - ''Is your wife a nagger?'' Pole - ''No, she is white.'' Solicitor - ''Why do you want this divorce?'' Pole - ''She going to kill me!'' Solicitor - ''What makes you think that?'' Pole - ''I got proof.'' Solicitor - ''What kind of proof?'' Pole - ''She going to poison me. She buy a bottle from the chemist and left it on the shelf in the bathroom. I can read and it says POLISH REMOVER!''
  7. Alan


    Posh and Becks rang Jacko to say they thought he was innocent and would like him to visit them for a few days on a yacht with them and their kids. He replied that He'd love to come on their Cruz.
  8. Alan

    Time For A Ride!

    Just want to offer my heartfelt condolences on your loss.
  9. Alan


    You've not actually got a bike then?
  10. If I remember correctly the set up included taking the sag out of the suspension. This is done by lifting the back of the bike (leaving the back wheel on the ground) and measuring from a point on the subframe to the centre of the rear spindle. You then lower the bike down again and re-measure the distance. The difference between the two measurements is adjusted by the spring adjusters on the rear shock. ie If there is a difference of 10mm then you adjust rear shock by turning the ring until there is no sag. You use the same procedure for the front forks. After you have done this then you set your supension as per the manual. Hope this makes sense.
  11. MCN did a feature on suspension set up a couple of weeks ago. Not for your specific bike but, from what I remember reading, it should work on all bikes.
  12. Alan

    Loud Cans

    Exhausts are only checked for condition (rusting / blowing / not fitted correctly) and whether they are BS stamped. It's very rare for a MOT tester to noise test a bike - there are too many variables. Weather conditions can add + /- 3db, testing in an enclosed space can lead to false readings due sound bouncing back from walls etc. Noise testing cannot be done outside if it is raining!
  13. Alan

    Looks like.....

    It's only cheating if: 1) Other teams put a protest in against the machine. 2) Non compliance to technical regulations found during inspection in parc ferme after racing. 3) It's a Ducati! As regards the Foggy bike - still not sold the required amount for homologation and is still allowed to race!
  14. A brunette, a redhead and a blonde escape a burning building by climbing to the roof. The firemen are on the street below, holding a blanket for them to jump into. The firemen yell to the brunette. ''Jump! Jump! It's your only chance to survive!'' The brunette jumps and the firemen yank the blanket away. The brunette slams into the pavement and splatters like a tomato. ''C'mon! Jump! You've gotta jump'' yell the firemen to the redhead. ''Oh no! You're going to pull the blanket away'' says the redhead. ''No it's brunettes we can't stand! We're OK with redheads.'' The redhead jumps. The firemen yank away the blanket and the redhead is flattened on the pavement like a pancake. Finally the blonde steps to the edge of the roof. The firemen yell ''Jump! Jump! You have to jump.'' ''No way! You're just going to pull the blanket away.'' replies the blonde. ''No! Really! You have to jump! We won't pull the blanket away.'' ''Look'' Says the blonde. ''Nothing you say is going to convince me that you're not going to pull the blanket away! So what I want you to do is put the blanket on the ground and back away from it...........''
  15. Hey! You're right. I never noticed that. I was too wrapped up in how shite it was!
  16. Alan


    I agree. The guy ain't normal. Guilty as charged M'lud Lock the paedo bast**d up and chuck the key away!
  17. Ministry of Transport Test. Done annually on vehicles over 3 years old.
  18. The black button is more important than the red button.
  19. Alan

    Wet Weather Gear

    Very nicely put, BUT! Who mentioned Kevlar? I thought we were discussing Cordura v Leathers? CORDURA www.cordura.com 10 x more durable than cotton duck 3 x more durable than standard polyester 2 x more durable than standard nylon Leathers it is then! KEVLAR www.dupont.com Yeah the benefits of Kevlar are plain to see. Except. Have you considered what the thickness of the Kevlar would have to be to make a suit that offers the protection of leathers in a typical bike crash that involves slidind down the road? Are we to have suits made from the same thickness as a bullet proof vest? And at what cost? Kevlar is used in the construction of leathers ie Alpinestar S-MX2 as stretch panels for flexibility. Construction of this suit is 98% leather and 2% Kevlar. I think the chances of me being hit by shrapnel from an exploding jet engine or crashing into a glass or sheet metal factory or being shot at whilst riding my bike are pretty remote so your inclusion of Kevlar into this discussion wasn't relevant. Besides if there was a material that could be used that is at least comparable to leathers for racing don't you think that the ACU or FIM etal or the major clothing manufacturers would have released it by now?
  20. Yeah it must have been a boring night for them. It's just that I was gobsmacked when he told me I was doing 50.
  21. Driving home from work this morning (yeah I was in the car) deserted road, 30 mph limit and I'm doing about 40. A car comes hurtling up behind me so I slow down. suddenly there's these blue flashing lights in me mirrors. I pull up at the side of the road and wind the window down. Officer asks me why he pulled me up so I said I didn't know. He informed me that I was doing 50 mph and he had to get a shift on to catch me up! He asked me my name to check ownership of car,asked me if I'd been drinking (I hadn't), told him I was on me way home from work - he asked me where I worked and I told him. He let me go - no ticket or nothing. Same scenario but with a camera 40 mph in a 30 limit and FLASH fixed penalty fine and three points on your licence! Police good cameras bad! The really funny thing about this is - I took the car in for MOT yesterday and replaced the blown number plate light bulb and a brake light bulb (they hadn't been working for a fortnight) I only did the bulbs because of the MOT!
  22. You've got good eyesight, I can't even see the road in the pic!
  • Create New...