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Posts posted by Noise

  1. Dear Asda,

    Last week I purchased some of your "smart price" toilet tissue and I have some thoughts to share with you.

    For my first use I folded it twice like I normally would, but it was so weak it broke, at which point I realised I had fingered myself. That's right. No romance, no weekend in Venice, just one swift digit up the wrong 'un in a cold bathroom in Nottingham.

    So what exactly is "smart" about "smart price"? My eyes certainly smarted a bit as I jabbed at my rectum. I spent the next few minutes in the saddest bathroom scene since Oscar Pistorius, debating whether to sacrifice a bath towel, a sock or the fleece of the first staff member I find at my local store.

    A few more minutes passed, the anger subsided and I made a second attempt. You see this stuff might be half the price of branded stuff, but I found I needed to bandage it tightly 7-8 times around my hand to prevent me from molesting myself a second time, leaving me looking like an Egyptian mummy that's just performed a prostate exam.

    The feeling of shame was soon replaced with regret, as I realised I had better things within arms reach to do the job. Even the pumice stone on the edge of my bath looked like it could do a better job than the stuff you supply.

    I noticed in the news today your sales have dropped 7.5% in 3 months. Looks like it's not just the competition you can't wipe out!

    Yours truly,

    Ben Martin

    • Like 3
  2. 3 hours ago, IKE said:

    Hi Noise, looks like you've had a fair go at all the right things here. I have a 1992 XJ900F so my experience might not apply to your model.

    Check that the starter gear has not engaged and is stuck there.

    If you have a couple of helpers, can you try a bump-start? That will confirm the engine's ability to run (especially if it turns by hand - not seized).

    My model has a daft wee switch at the side-stand to prevent the engine starting if the side stand is down, but if that's duff, I don't think you would get a click at the relay - and this might not be fitted to your model.

    Although very unusual, you might have just been given a dud battery (I had one in a brand new car!) What about jump leads from another battery?

    Definitely a beard-scratcher.

    I haven't tried the bump start yet as the brakes need sorting and im not that brave to ride off without that capability (even tho i'd happily ride the thing into a wall haha)

    Before he bought the new battery we did try jump leads from me car and still only got the click and a slight step from the rotor on the left of the motor

    2 hours ago, slice said:

    Loose connection Noise, starter relay click is what you can hear and it's either not enough charge or a buggered relay, check your connections especially the ones under the tank.

    Just had a thought of something you could try, bridge across the terminal on the starter motor to the engine (dead short) and that should wind the motor over, just so you can see if the motor is working properly.

    I'll recheck the connectors on the relay etc tonight this could be a very good point.

    When i rebuilt the starter motor i did buzz it with some cables from his battery and she span up lovely so we can rule out that i fucked up that build haha, Also before he bought the new starter relay i did short out the old one with the old screw drive trick and again billy bollocks happend.

    will have a butchers tonight and report back

  3. Looks like i have the only K4 CB750 in the UK, (still not registered yet tho)

    I see that the K4 was only for the Americans (and i did get it from the states) but surely there must be other K4's in the UK?

  4. Hey folk,

    After a little of the old "try this" info if you could?

    I am still doing up my mates XJ900 which i have had since December and have got to the stage in the game of starting her up (with no luck) basically the problem is that i press the starter button and all that happens is you get a click from the relay and the motor twitches and then you get the buzzing as tho the battery is dead.........But hear is the list of what i have done and fitted.

    • Old engine was fucked (top crank case split) so replaced with a second hand one
    • New engine stripped, cleaned and new gaskets fitted (turns over by hand)
    • Starter motor overhauld with new electrics and planatary gears cleaned and re-greesed
    • New battery fitted
    • New starter relay fitted
    • New sparks, Oil and new filters
    • New rear shocks (Wont effect starting.....................i dont think so any way haha)
    • Electrics all cleaned

    I havent checked what the battery is pumping out when i depress the start button yet as i havn't got a multi meter but if i can get my hands on one i'll post up the resluts. Im just at a loss as its showing the signs of a dead battery but it was brand new out the box, liquids put in a and left to sit over night to come to life and bugger all is happening (stroky beard moment)



  5. Ey, as said above, Prime is to fill the carbs up after bike has been standing for any number of time, some might be a day or two some could last weeks. i normally only use the prime if i have had the carbs off and drained them but apart from that i just choke it and fire up.

    • Like 1
  6. To me it seams that the person who wrote this artical dosn't like any of the listed prefessions and is having a dig at all of them.

    My top three worst drivers are:

    1. people with hats...............baseball cap = young inexperianced chav who think they are Hamleton or Flat caps = OAP who can just about see over the steering wheel
    2. Folk with hands free ear device..............cought up in this mornings meeting and still drinking their coffee wife has made in their favorite mug
    3. Teenagers with more than one in the car.

    I like to give all them a wide birth in my personal opinion. "some" are ok and capable drivers but i like to treat eveyone on the road the same and try to stay away as best i can

    • Like 5
  7. There really aint much out there from what i have seen, sadly i haven't got anyone in the know with one for sale (unless foamy has one lurking about??)

    Seen this one on cars n classics but its in Hampshire


    What do you think about a Suzi Van Van? we had them as our sudent bikes for our CBT's and they are such a brilliant little bike. Nice and easy and forgiving to ride and pretty much indestructable, fat rear wheel gave loads of stability in shitty weather and one of our other instructors took one home in the snow and it was fantastic (25mile trip) pick them up for less than £2k on auto traider


    Hopefully your find her one and she has a fantastic birthday with many years of happy riding (and with a bit of luck on a DT)

  8. Sorry to hear about the theft buddy but thankfully theinsurance aint being total twats by taking their time sorting you out! i'd take the cash they give you and buy the bike you want, Only because that you bike "was" brand new..........now you have ridden it off the dealership forecourt it is now second hand and has dropped a fair few £££ and they may try the old "book price" payout

    I recon that all bike manufactures should convert the fork stansions to hold a 12 gauge slug in them and unless the owners keys are in the lock as soon as these bastards try to move the bars.........................BOOM!!!!!!!!!! problem solved, no inquest, no trial, just straight cut justice.

    • Like 2
  9. Cool, another red brown greener!

    Do you know if your viggy has ever had an engine rebuild? im just thinking wether or not the timing is out? but im guessing that she ran fine before this power cut, in which case the timing will be fine.

    Did you find out about this rouge spark coming from the HT lead to top of engine? If your close to Yeovil and can get the bike down here i'd have a look for you (extra pair of eyes and all that)

  10. When you say you changed the TDI do you mean the CDI (brains of the bike?) this "could" have blown in the power cut.

    Do you know what made all the fuses pop in the first place?

    Id say take both the spark plugs out and rest on the engine and see if they both spark, as if you only have the front one out it may seem to be delayed as it might be because the rear cylinder has only just finished its ignition stroke when you press the button. If your getting sparks on both cylinders then your starting issue could be down you fuel but im leaning more to electrical fault (worth a ceak tho).

    Make sure the HT leads are pushed right down onto the plugs and you feel good resistance on the HT cap as you push it onto the plug.

    Also does the battery sound strong when its turning over? if not then you may have a warped cell in there and be best to replace it. I know you say you toppe dit up but if it was killed in the power cut then your never going to regenerate it.

  11. She's on the road!!!  Few loose things after the ride to work but sorted them out once I sneaked her into the work shop. But on way home I lost the end can (obviously missed that bolt) so gotta do a search and rescue mission on way home tomorrow. :(

    Pics this morning before work



    • Like 2
  12. Welcome Mcleod.

    We are a very loose group of folk so unless your giving personal abuse then its hard to offend (come off it have you found the pic of Foamy that we all dread to think of.....?) :)

    I had a 125 draggy too and i also loved it till i got the 650, then the grin factor just grew and grew!

    • Like 2
  13. Lovely looking bob buddy! You could have fitted a custom made fanny pad for her to sit on. All you would have needed was a good bit of sheet steel cut into a rectangle to the size of your choice.  Drill 4 holes in each corner and insert 4 suction cups into the holes. Put on some self adhesive foam (cheap on eBay)  and comes in any thickness you want. Shape the foam then cover it in motorbike seat vinyl which again is about a tenner on eBay. Then it just sticks on or pops off when you want it.

    Only problem is that it seams the previous owner has cut off the pillion foot peg brackets so unless you are willing to weld a new set on I'm afraid this baby is all for you to enjoy to yourself :)

    On 14/06/2016 at 4:05 AM, Toutsuite said:

    Hi Tombstone, 

    I don't know if you can add a rear seat without reinstalling a stock rear fender. 


    Thankfully tout the previous owner has only cut off the rear part of the stock fender and part of the brackets that hold it up so all is good to fit a pillion pad. Just that the peg brackets have been hacked off.

    (from what I can see and remember from Betty)

    • Like 1
  14. Congratulations Steve, its a massive culture shock tho and the first few weeks are a litte tough to adjust into "your own" routine. Hopefully your find a new job easy enough but i can truly say that even tho the Mob satisfaction wears off there is never a civvy job that compares to the satisfaction that the mob jobs give you deep down. 

    I'd give anything to be back with my pongos, regret every day since i was fubar'd

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